courage

In a world that values beauty, clear skin, and youthfulness...
it takes courage to not be ashamed when you have eczema
or when your son has eczema
For the past three years I have struggled with how to live when things just aren't as I want them to be
And many days I have failed to live...
I have allowed myself to be caught in the hamster wheel of trying to fix it all
To make it go away
To heal the skin
To figure out what's wrong
To pray for healing
To ask God why he isn't healing
And to feel fear when I don't understand...
But in the past year God has been showing me another way
To dare to hope even when I don't get it
When I don't understand
When my eyes fail to see
Isn't that what hope is defined as?
it's not hope if we see it
It's not faith if it's already been accomplished
It doesn't require trust if it's already right there in front of me
And so I am left to choose despair or hope
To be anxious or rest
To clutch my fists around trying
Or release and let go
And while my flesh continues to struggle with all that I wish was different
Slowly I am learning how to let go and do the trust fall
Into arms that will catch me
Into a presence that will never fail me
Into the comfort of Someone greater
Because I am not enough
I can not fix it all
I don't know the answers
I don't know the path to healing
But He does
And He holds me