remember who you are

Sometimes I forget who I am.  I start trying to be someone I am not--forgetting that this isn't going to lead me anywhere but to emptiness and loneliness.  This forgetting comes when I start to lose sight of the beauty of who I am--uniquely myself.  Just as we all are and should be.  But when we are surrounded by others who have forgotten--or who have never really seen their own unique beauty--we start to question ourselves.  I have found myself doing this recently.  I have been on a LONG journey of finding myself.  Asking "who am I?"  This question has meant getting to know God and believing that he created me just right.  But our world tells us there's something wrong with us.  Marketing makes sure we always feel a sense of incompleteness and need (you can't make money off of people who are content and don't need anything).  And so our world, and likely our friends, are reminding us constantly that we are not enough.  We need to change something.  Buy something.  Be more of something.  Create something.  Do something.  We are NOT ENOUGH.  We can't possibly be valuable as we are.  And so we become forgetful of who we are.  Or maybe we never really knew (since we left childhood behind...)

But doesn't it feel good to be with old friends who really knew us back when life seemed less complicated?  Or maybe they knew us during a season when we were walking through something hard and they stuck by us.  Or maybe you have a friend who you feel safe to be yourself in a way you can't be with anyone else.  And when you get back together with that person you feel a deep sigh of relief...like you have just kicked your legs back in a recliner and you don't have to do the dance of trying to prove or become for the moment.

This past weekend my husband had this opportunity.  His dad passed away which meant flying up to New England to be with people he doesn't know very well (and who don't know him very well).  After the family time he was able to make a short three hour drive to be with a good friend from college.  A friend who knows Pete in a different way than most other friends.  As I talked with him this morning he said it was so good to be with this friend because he felt like he could be himself--even after seven years of not seeing each other!!  No sorting through layers of insecurity and self-doubt.  Just being appreciated for who he is, and appreciating another friend and his wife for who they are.  This is rest. This is a gift!!

Gosh, why do we forget so easily?  Why do we so quickly get swept up into a current that pulls us away from our centeredness?  Forgetting who we are is tiring.  Remembering who we are allows us to rest.  "Oh, yeah, this is me.  I am not all those other people.  I don't have to prove myself to them.  I'm enough as I am."  

There's just one me.  Just one you.  When I make room for all the diversity of beauty and stop trying to find myself in you or others I can rest.  I can stop relating to others in a way of trying to find myself, and just BE MYSELF.

But to remember takes an intentional stepping out of the busy-ness of life.  It takes a stepping outside of the school of fish and looking around.  I have to quiet myself and allow myself to listen to what's inside, listen to the voice of my Creator.  I cannot find myself when I am busy swimming around with everyone.  

The invitation is to remember, and to know.  If you feel weary, it might be because you (like me) have forgotten who you are...and who you aren't.  It's okay my friend.  Step aside.  Remember who you are...and then you can step back in.