seeing beauty in the mundane

We've been back in the states for just over a month now. The time has been sweet, but I think the bitter will come when we have to say good-bye to our Florida friends once again...for another year. And so we are trying to savor and be as fully present to the goodness of people and places in Vero Beach while we have this time...but it's also quickly slipping by. Watching the grains of sand pass through the hour glass as we sink our toes into the sand on the beach. Hearing the waves crash and knowing in just a few weeks we will be looking at mountains instead. Stooping down to gather shells for a wind chime to hang on one of our salas in Chiang Mai, and aware that the clank of shells will remind us of what we have left behind.
It's a strange feeling to live in two worlds, and to love two places. And it's hard to know how to do that well. They're literally half the globe away from each other. Why did we decide to love Southeast Asia and not fall in love with somewhere closer--like Costa Rica? Why did we literally choose just about the farthest country from the USA to move our life to? Some things are inexplainable, and they just are our reality. Sometimes God and life have other ideas for us that we might not have rationally chosen for ourselves.

 and it's good.
    and it's hard.
      and it's beautiful.
         and it's messy.

We lived here for four years. And this visit has reminded me of all the wonderful things about life here that I miss.  I have truly enjoyed being here. I have reflected on how when time is limited, we really make the most of our time. But when we think we will be somewhere forever, we fail to really enjoy it--we take things and people for granted.  That is how I feel about life here.  I lived here four years and yet I failed to appreciate what I had. There are so many days that passed without me really living fully present and aware of the goodness all around me. Days that I didn't reach out to friends and even felt lonely. But now I feel there are barely enough days to see and be with everyone I love here.
It challenges me to consider how I am living in Chiang Mai. We won't be there forever. Perhaps we will be there two years or four years or maybe ten!!??!!. Who knows? But my brief time here in Florida has made me wonder how I can live more fully present to each day that I do have--to really enter into life and not take it for granted. I want to fully appreciate what Chiang Mai has, and not sit in my home feeling lonely or homesick for what I don't have. While there is no beach to walk and no shells to gather, what beauty will I find in Chiang Mai? I want to reenter this coming year with more intention to see the beauty...of Chiang Mai, and the people who have entered into our lives there.
While living in two places is hard, and my heart never quite feels fully whole in one place...there is a gift in this tension. It reminds me
to slow down and be present, to bend down and pick up shells that will become a wind chime on the other side of the globe. To express my deep appreciation in words and gestures to the people in my life here whom will never see my life over there. To let my heart open and love, knowing it will hurt when we say good-byes.
Beauty is a journey of learning to see more deeply, live more fully. And we see it because we have learned to notice it in the midst of the mundane daily life...
Where is beauty looking at you, waiting for you to notice its presence?

a penny and a little more

Today marks 43 spins around the sun, and it's always worthy of a pause to reflect when I come back to this same spot when life (outside of the womb) started for me. And of course while the sun is in its same position, I am older, grayer, and not much like that big little baby that entered this world (all 10 lbs of me!).
I'm not sure why--but a birthday has always been special to me. I like to be celebrated, and I like to celebrate others' birthdays as well.  A birthday does not pass by in my household without me baking a cake. Life needs celebrations, does it not? There are many highs and lows between one birthday cake to another, and I think any excuse to celebrate and bring a little sweetness into life is called for--in EVERYONE's life. We all need to be celebrated...and I would suggest we need to feel celebrated and valued more than just once a year.
But hey, we can start with the birthday...
Today my day started with a cup of coffee...just like every single other day of the year. But it was my birthday coffee.  It's funny how you can wake up and just know...hey, today is my birthday!
And then the next thing I did was go for a birthday haircut. Oh boy...I have had LOTS OF ANXIETY about this haircut.  For lots of reasons. This past year our move to Thailand was stressful, and I lost a lot of hair. And that was sad. Really sad. I cried more than a few tears, more than a few times. And while I would like to say I am over that...I am beyond that...it's still a sensitive topic for me.  I want my thicker hair back.  BUT, hey...there's this wonderful woman on Ocean drive who has been cutting my hair for several years...and I wanted to say hi. Because you know, usually your hairstylist is more than just the one who does your hair. You build a relationship with her (or him).  And so a haircut was an excuse to get to see her again and catch up with each of our last year's...and did I mention that she has the SAME BIRTHDAY AS ME???!!!! YES, we share the same birthday! :-) So I brought a small gift from thailand to give her...
and she cut my hair.
and she did a good job...even with my thinner hair.
and then she refused money for her good job.
ummm, wow...I was speechless when I realized her hug was her way of pushing me away from the desk to pay.
OH!!!
and then she said, don't forget to read your card from me. (I had thought that was my gift...)
When I got in my car I opened the card. And there was a penny. An old penny...
and then I read...

I plan to keep that penny...a reminder that each little thing I do matters. Each little step towards celebrating others matters. Each time we celebrate, speak words of blessing, offer love in this big world of ours...it makes a difference.

So whoever dropped their penny--I've got it! And it's going to be crossing the globe back to Chiang Mai with me...as I step into living out dreams. One small step, one small move, one small gesture at a time.

Time to bake my birthday cake...

until next time