Do you ever find yourself stuck in a belief that just isn't working for you anymore, and yet you don't know how to stop believing it? I DO! (That's why I'm writing about this...)
Without even realizing it we all have beliefs that we are living into. Ever heard of self-fulfilling prophecy? Well, I think it turns out that the stories we believe actually become the storylines that we tell ourselves, and believe, and thus are true. I'm not talking about prophecy in a way of I can tell you my future. I'm talking about beliefs that run so deep in us that we live them out daily, hourly. For example...I believe that I'm not beautiful. And so I live this story line out. I prove it to others. My actions prove it, the way I look at myself reinforces this belief. And eventually I have convinced everyone around me. But you know what?!!!! I can change this story line if I want to. NO, I don't mean that I have to go out and get plastic surgery or a new haircut, or start putting make-up on. What I mean is that I can choose to look at myself in the mirror and say "Lori, you are beautiful...yes, YOU!" And I can choose to start telling myself that daily, hourly. And soon this will become my belief that I am operating out of, relating to others out of, and convincing others of. Nope, it won't turn me into a beauty queen. I won't become the drop dead gorgeous type of beauty. But I will become the type of beauty that glows out of someone who believes in themselves, and tells themselves that they have worth, value, beauty. Simple as that.
Hmmm...okay, not so simple. Because as we all know, beliefs are NOT EASY TO CHANGE. Just look at Facebook. Someone posts something political that you disagree with. They even include an article to try and convince you of their belief. You might read the article, and find your own belief only grows stronger. Have they changed your belief? I am 99% sure that they have not. If anything you've only gotten more in touch with your own belief about the situation. More stubbornly attached to your belief. Maybe you will even go as far as looking for something to post on the contrary, or make a comment to your friend about why the article they've shared is rubbish (in a nice way of course!) CHANGING BELIEFS IS FAR FROM EASY.
SOOOOOOO, is it possible? That's a great question. I'm asking that of myself right now. Because frankly, I am paying a lot of money to go see a counselor once a week, and I'd like to put that money towards a new pair of jeans...or something else. So I have some choices to make. Am I going to keep telling my counselor week after week why my belief system is pathetic, but be unwilling to do anything to change it? Am I going to keep seeing myself as a victim of my beliefs and pity myself that this is my lot in life? Or am I going to start working on a new script for my life? One that is healthier, freer, better?!!!!
Okay, I know I've got some pessimists out there in the crowd. Heck, I am one of them!!! I'm my biggest naysayer...I know how to tell myself "it's not possible" better than anyone else I know. BUT I'm getting tired of my naysaying ways. I'm getting bored with the small little existence that my naysayer has created for me. I'm getting annoyed that this naysayer follows me everywhere, telling me that my dreams will never happen, that I'm just not "whatever" enough, and that my future is basically me trying to manage anxiety a little better.
blah, blah, blah
Ever seen the movie Beautiful Mind? When I watched it I thought about how my fear voice is that other voice in my head. While the movie is about a schizophrenic, I could relate to those other voices in the head that I wished weren't there. And how I often listen to them and believe them. BUT enough is enough. IT's time for me to start listening to the voice of love. The voice of truth. Time to ignore the voice of fear...that naysaying voice that is quite loud (even as I write this).
How did he manage to deal with those other voices? Well, my memory isn't great as it's been at least 10 years (more) since that movie, but I remember that he had to choose which voices he was going to listen to. The other voices never went away, but as he stopped giving them as much attention, those voices got dimmer.
AHHA! So there might be hope for all of us. But I'll speak for myself...because as I said already, it's really hard to convince others to change their beliefs. It has to start with myself in this experiment that I'm proposing...
I'm nearly 40 years old (gasp!) but I'm thinking that it might still be possible for me to change my beliefs. When I was the young age of 20 I worked at a summer camp (Hey all you New life ranchers!) and one of the counselors would always say to me "Lori, Lori what's your story?!!!" I think she just liked how it rhymed, but I would always try to figure out what my story was in a brief sentence to answer her back with. And for whatever reason, this little chant has stuck with me all these years! In fact, it is what inspired me to write this post. Because I'm asking myself that same question now--Lori, Lori, what IS your story? What is the story that I believe about myself--my life? Do I believe that there's hope for my future? Do I believe that there are good things in store for me and my family? Or do I think that all the good stuff is over, past, gone? Do I believe I have gifts? or that I am a failure? Do I believe God is with me and for me, or that he has abandoned me? Do I believe that anxiety is the predominant player in my life, or that it is merely a challenge that is shaping me for the better? What story lines am I going to believe? It's actually my choice (and yours...).
Pushing "publish" on this post is a little vulnerable...because it means I am sharing with you something that I mean to work on changing in my life. And so if I choose to believe I can change my story line...then I am not allowed to keep being victim of my story. That feels a bit scary, because it's not going to happen overnight. I mean, if it were that easy I would have fired my counselor last week. BUT NO...rewriting a story takes time. It takes practice, work. I'm going to fall back into my old story lines sometimes. And, actually that is where friends come into play. Friends who love me and care for me and believe in me...they are important to the rewriting of my story. And they are the ones who can help me think about what story lines I'm believing that might be holding me back from the truer story that I actually want to live out.
Well, there it is--Me trying to listen to what story lines are NOT worth keeping. Trying to work on rewriting the story lines that I am believing and living into. It's not easy work...but I invite you to consider asking yourself "What is my story?" What story do you believe about yourself? Is it helpful to you or holding you back from dreams? Are there story lines that you've been repeating for years that it's time to let go of?
