Hope does not disappoint us
I have heard this line many times, and I've even said it to myself. But it has never struck me with just how profound it is until today. I have been laying flat on my bed a lot this year (yes, the year is only 2 weeks old...). I had the flu for a week, and then just when I was feeling better I got struck with lower back pain. Back on the bed. And while for some they would just roll with this knowing it will pass soon enough, I began to feel despair. Will my back ever get better? Will I ever get off this bed? Will I ever be able to be "normal" again? And while these questions seem ridiculous to my husband who would try to assure me "Yes, you will get better!" I was not feeling too sure.
This morning I got out of bed and could feel the tightness in my back. Ugh, still there. Each morning I roll out of bed and see "will it be a good day today?" based on how I feel. The tightness and pain seemed to say "nope, still there. Perhaps it's just not going to get any better." Yep, that's what kind of "optimism" I am wired with. I know, kind of pathetic. But there it is. This belief in me...this idea that when things are hard there's really no hope. I see the dark side of it all. Start imagining myself being a mom that is sick and laying on a bed all the time. I start to play out the worst scenarios. Horrible back pain that I will have to learn to live with. And on and on. My husband tries to be sympathetic towards me at first, but his patience runs thin. (Whose wouldn't?!)
But these words "hope doesn't disappoint us" came into my head this morning...seemingly out of nowhere. And instead of letting them float out just as they floated in, they stuck. They felt like a message I was supposed to listen to. So I pondered what it means that hope doesn't disappoint us. You mean, I can have hope even when I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel? Even when my back aches day after day without relief, I can entertain hope? I don't have to be filled with fear, despair, worry? I can dare to hope? Dare to believe that things will get better. Dare to believe life is still good.
This is new to me. A major "aha!" moment as I savor this idea. As I attempt to let hope enter into a heart that has been so full of fear. Anytime I suffer or face pain, my first response is fear. But oh, to hope! To be free to let what I cannot control be God's, and to let hope lift my spirit. To feel the lightness of hope. To DARE to believe in what I cannot see yet. That is so delicious sounding! I want it!
Lord, teach my unbelieving heart to hope. Stretch my spirit beyond what I see. Enable me to expand to new heights--to trust you and thus be filled with hope. That is my desire, my prayer. Let it be!
