Yesterday I swung from what I would call "healthy" thoughts to some of these "stuck in the mud" thoughts. And when I would wake up and realize these are "stuck in the mud" thoughts I would feel defeated. Looking back I should have been happy that I could at least identify that these are my unhealthy thoughts. Because that is the first step!!!
Anytime I get stuck in the mud it's usually because I'm trying to solve my problems...those problems that really have no solutions that I can find today. And the more I think about what to do the worse shape I'm in. And I get this glazed over withdrawn look that my husband is like "knock knock, anyone home?" And I get annoyed because he's bothering me from all my problem solving.
Deep breath. Sigh.
God, I surrender my stick in the mud thoughts to you. They aren't helping me. They are hurting me. I keep going back to the mud, but what I really want is to be free to run in the open fields of love. I want to see my hair flowing from the wind as I run free, like a little girl who has yet to be tainted by the cares of the world. God, set me free with your truth...the truth is that these muddy thoughts are not the ones I have to fix. I don't have to fix the mud in my life. Bring me back over and over to your wellspring...the place where the waters flow freely. Dip into the waters of love...love that casts out any remembrance of fear. Until I am completely absorbed and in awe with your beauty. Continue to stir the deep places in me...that I can respond to your love with love. You are so good. So beautiful. And I want to wake up and see you. To step out of the slumber that comes from muddy thoughts. God you alone can save me. You alone can rescue me. I lift my arms to you...lift me up. You are my Savior. My prince of peace.
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