memories and blurred days

how is it possible that it's already august? this year has both crawled and sped by, simultaneously. I think most days I don't even know what day of the week it is. without rhythms of work or school to help define the week from the weekend, it all just felt the same. and then summer came...but it just felt like the school year without chrome books in front of my kids. 

last week I was in Oklahoma helping my parents sift through their attic. they have decided to down-size which means all those remnants of my high school years that I somehow managed to leave behind needed to be weeded through. no more mooching off my parents "free" storage space--at 44 I finally have to admit that I'm an adult...and into the trash bin I threw ALL of my high school and college yearbooks. gasp! I know that for some of you those are precious memories. but for me, barbies and my little ponies won for that small space in my one checked on piece of luggage I aimed to fit my memories in. oh, and photographs spanning from high school prom (trash bin) to college (kept more of those) and into my years in Vietnam. mostly it was the memories from pre-marriage. I'm not sure why I have left these memories at my parents' home all of these years. but I think there's the Lori pre-2001 (when I got married) and the post 2001 Lori. it's a strange thing to get reacquainted with oneself. in fact, it was the first time for me to visit my parents post 2001 without my husband and boys. strange, but good. I actually found myself wanting to play with my barbies...perhaps because I am in a season of learning how to play again. I am realizing that as a serious adult, I need the gift of play...doing something for no other reason than the activity itself.

so barbies now sit in a box in my florida home. I don't even have daughters to play with them--and my two sons were only slightly amused (horrified?!) at watching their mom pull them out and talk about how fun I had with them...

I guess sometimes years blur together too...when did I put those barbies away for the last time? when did I decide it was time to grow up and stop playing pretend? 

soon my boys begin high school and middle school. i am watching my oldest leave behind boyhood. I have to admit that there's a mix of grief and awe. who is this person living in our home? he takes up a lot more space, and I have to admit I'm not sure how to parent a teenager...

but one day (and I'm sure it will blur in with all the days between now and then) he will come home to gather up his memories.

but thankfully...we still have a few more years to capture some of those memories in person.